The prosecution: Ari

If you don’t like a book, there’s no point keeping it. Rupert needs to let some things go

Rupert is possessive about his books. He doesn’t want to get rid of any, ever, and he gets quite particular about people touching them or
messing them up. He hates it if I fold down a corner of a page or do anything that may damage one of his books slightly.

I borrowed one of his novels to read on holiday and it got a bit damaged, as I was camping and a cow tried to eat it. He wasn’t happy when I gave it back. I also felt anxious recently when my friend borrowed a book of his and planned to read it at the beach. I think books should be able to put up with a bit of wear and tear, but he doesn’t agree.

We often read the same books, but I’m just not as attached to them. We moved in together a few months ago after knowing each other for a year, and the book thing quickly became an issue. We have two really nice bookshelves in our living room and I like the way I’ve laid them out, but Rupert wants to get more shelves. I’d rather throw out or donate some books before we get more shelves.

I said it’s fine to add to the shelves, but because we have limited space I think Rupert ought to have a clearout of some of his books. However, he wants to keep every one of them. We recently moved to a new country and he shipped all his books here, whereas I only brought a couple. I think that sums up our different stances.

We are both teachers, and Rupert says he likes reading children’s books to stay abreast of reading trends and to lend books to the kids in his school. But I don’t think he lends books as often as he says he does. We had a disagreement on holiday recently because Rupert was reading a children’s book he didn’t really enjoy but still wanted to cart it around with us for weeks. I told him to leave it where we were staying, and he gave in eventually, but I had to fight with him.

I don’t mind Rupert’s love of books, but I want to keep things around our home that we both like. If we don’t enjoy a book, we don’t need to keep it. I also think if you lend a book to someone, there’s a chance it might get a bit damaged – that’s just life.

The defence: Rupert

Books are my passion. We should get more bookshelves rather than throw them out

Reading is my main hobby and books are a big part of me. If I like a book, I want to keep it. I accept that I was in the wrong when I refused to throw away that book on holiday, but I don’t think I’m bad at lending books in general. I’ve got a lot better, in fact. If people take care of my books it’s fine, but I don’t want them to come back dog-eared or with the pages marked. I did lend Ari’s friend a book recently and it went fine. I didn’t know Ari felt anxious about the loan though.

I will generally follow up with people who have borrowed one of my books: I’ll send a message a few months in, saying, “Hey, how are you getting on?” Perhaps I’m still a bit reluctant as I have lent books before and not got them back. Although when Ari came back from holiday with the book that had been almost chewed by a cow, I actually laughed about it.

We are both teachers and have similar tastes in adult fiction. I read more YA though. I like reading fantasy children’s books and, as a primary school teacher, I think it’s good to stay on top of on what’s trending in that genre. Though I do get Ari’s point about throwing out old children’s books, as we don’t live with kids. I’ve taken a few YA books into school recently as a compromise.

When we moved, my old employers paid for my books to be shipped out to my new address, so of course I brought my personal collection over. Though if I hadn’t been given that option, I would have kept them in storage rather than throw them away.

Ari and I are both tidy, but she is definitely better at the decor. I don’t have a problem with the fact that the bookshelves are used to display plants and pictures: it looks lovely. Our shelves are not overcrowded. But I do think we should just get more shelves so I can expand my collection.

Books are my passion. And if I’ve really enjoyed a book, or it has a nice cover, or it’s for work, I will want to keep it. And when it comes to people borrowing them, I always expect them to come back in the condition I lent them in. That’s reasonable.

The jury of Guardian readers

Should Rupert say goodbye to some of his old books?

Books aren’t supposed to be preserved in aspic – they’re to be enjoyed, shared, passed on. What goes around comes around: I probably have as many friends’ books that I’ve (unintentionally) kept as I have lent out and not got back (I don’t keep count). If Rupert was a bit more easygoing he might discover the joys of picking up an old paperback full of someone else’s scribbles.
Sam, 32

“Books are a big part of me … my passion,” says Rupert. To him they clearly represent culture, values and respect for ideas that are reflected by their position on the bookshelf. So put the plants elsewhere to make room for them.
Mike, 76

Rupert should let go of books he no longer likes or reads, but Ari should respect his possessions. Wear and tear is different to intentionally folding down pages when you know a book is special to the owner. Ari should buy a bookmark.
Angharad, 27

There comes a time when collecting becomes obsessive and it looks like Rupert is heading in that direction. I imagine their living space might become overwhelmed in the future, and he needs to think about that. However, I agree that the books he lends out should be returned in good condition.
Helen, 69

Books are precious and it’s only fair that Rupert expects to have his possessions returned in the same state he lent them out. Lending a book is an act of love and Ari should be more appreciative of that.
Chicana, 44

Now you be the judge

In our online poll below, tell us: does Rupert say goodbye to some of his old books?

The poll is now closed

Last week’s result

We asked if Deepika stop giving secondhand gifts to her partner Arjun’s family.

40% of you said yes – Deepika is guilty

60% of you said no – Deepika is innocent