As a teenager living near Busan, South Korea, I felt that the everyday noises around me were like a battlefield. When I was 17, I started wearing headphones to escape. I was 19 when I decided to stop speaking. People never listened anyway.
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In South Korea we graduate when we’re 20. Despite my silence, friends at school valued me as a listener. We communicated through nods and gestures. Growing up, I felt trapped because I couldn’t express my emotions. Now, without words, I felt inspired.
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I became obsessed with music. I loved the Smiths, David Bowie and Björk. Kid A by Radiohead brought me peace amid the chaos. I listened to it on repeat, distancing myself from reality.
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I became deeply introspective. Oscar Wilde’s books helped to ground me. Sometimes, I felt lethargic and couldn’t get out of bed. My parents took me to see therapists and doctors who spoke to me about depression.
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I watched films non-stop, escaping into the directors’ worlds. I distanced myself from people who weren’t interested in art. The inner outbursts of anger I felt sometimes started to die out.
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I started to communicate via text messages. Unlike spoken words, these can be edited. I moved to Seoul and began working part-time at a club when I was 22. There I met like-minded people who loved art. Finally, I began to speak a little.
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I’m still afraid of speaking and find it difficult to get close to new people. I try not to reveal too much about myself. I have a new career as an illustrator. Moving away from my family and living on my own has helped me to break out of my shell.
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During the years that I was mute, I witnessed the power of art. I still prefer texting over speaking and express my feelings through my drawing. It silences the noise and has helped me to heal.
• I Need Art: Reality Isn’t Enough: An Illustrated Memoir by Henn Kim is out now (Bloomsbury, £16.99). To support the Guardian and Observer order your copy from guardianbookshop.com. Delivery charges may apply.
• In the UK, the charity Mind is available on 0300 123 3393 and Childline on 0800 1111. In the US, call or text Mental Health America at 988 or chat 988lifeline.org. In Australia, support is available at Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636, Lifeline on 13 11 14, and at MensLine on 1300 789 978
