Neil Forsyth 

Reeling in the phisher

Emailed by a complete stranger and offered an inheritance of several million dollars, Neil Forsyth couldn't resist. Here are the replies he sent as his mischievous alter ego Bob Servant …
  
  

Island beach
'I've just had a look in my atlas, and now I accept the Cook Islands exist.' Photograph: Mark Lewis/Getty Images Photograph: Mark Lewis/Getty Images

From: Mike Christopher
To: Bob Servant
Subject: A proposal

Dear Sir/Madam,

My name is Barrister Michael Christopher, a Senior Advocate and legal consultant in practice here in the Cook Islands. My client suffered a terrible violent death life alongside with his wife in a Beirut-bound charter jet plane crashed on the Monday, 9th January 2006, 12:12 GMT (details on Internet if required).

Prior to his death my client secured a contract worth millions of US dollars from the kingdom of Bahrain. As his personal lawyer and close confidant, all my efforts to locate any of his relatives whom i can present as next of kin has proved abortive. Therefore I am seeking for your consent to present you as next of kin and subsequently the beneficiary of the fund. I will initiate this process towards a conclusion if you give me positive signals. I wait to hear from you.

Yours faithfully, Mike Christopher

From: Bob Servant
To: Mike Christopher
Subject: You're at it!

Mike,

The Cook Islands? You must think I'm stupid. Where do you live, Frying

Pan City? Give up.

Your Servant, Bob Servant

From: Mike Christopher To: Bob Servant Subject: The Cook islands

Dear Bob Servant,

What is this you are saying? The Cook Islands are recognised province. Do you want to act as next of kin? The commission is very kind.

Yours faithfully, Mike Christopher

From: Bob Servant
To: Mike Christopher
Subject: I hold my hands up

Barrister Christopher,

I have just had a look at my atlas and would like to apologise, as the Red Indians say, "with reservations". I accept that the Cook Islands exist but I am also nervous about meeting new people from the Internet. I am an elderly man and also have a good few quid (don't tell the wife!) (I don't have a wife) and this makes me a target for likely lads and chancers.

Yours, Bob

From: Mike Christopher
To: Bob Servant
Subject: A proposal

Dear Mr Servant,

Yes I understand your worries but do not worry in this case because I am a Barrister of course so this is legal and just. This is excellent Bob and I can confirm you are now the front runner to be the main beneficiary of this will minus our administration fees which as normal will have to be paid first. They are very low, only $200, OK?

Yours faithfully, Mike Christopher

From: Bob Servant
To: Mike Christopher
Subject: Phone

Barrister Mike,

$200 is a drop in the bloody ocean. During Dundee's Cheeseburger Wars I'd earn that much by putting my shoes on and the same again for brushing my hair.

Listen, It might be quicker to talk over the phone. Would you mind calling me?

Yours, Bob

From: Mike Christopher
To: Bob Servant
Subject: I will call

Yes of course I will call you at my expense Bob just send the number.

From: Bob Servant
To: Mike Christopher
Subject: Phone Number

OK are you ready?

From: Mike Christopher
To: Bob Servant
Subject: Give me the number

Yes I am ready.

From: Bob Servant
To: Mike Christopher
Subject: Here we go

0

From: Mike Christopher
To: Bob Servant
Subject: RE: Here we go

Hello Bob I think that did not come through please send it again.

From: Bob Servant
To: Mike Christopher
Subject: RE: Here we go

0

From: Mike Christopher
To: Bob Servant
Subject: Not coming through

That did not come through again sorry Bob please send again.

From: Bob Servant
To: Mike Christopher
Subject: Seems fine my end

4

From: Mike Christopher
To: Bob Servant
Subject: Not right

Bob this is not correct I am not getting the full number please check that you are sending it.

From: Bob Servant
To: Mike Christopher
Subject: RE: Not right

4

From: Mike Christopher
To: Bob Servant
Subject: RE: Not right

Bob what is this? You are not sending your number properly I am only getting one number through a 0 and now 4s what is this?

From: Bob Servant
To: Mike Christopher
Subject: Eh?

I don't quite understand your problem, I'm sending it through. 0044 is the code for the UK. Next bit: 1

From: Mike Christopher
To: Bob Servant
Subject: Send the whole number

What are you saying to me Bob? You're sending me the number one at every time? Why would you do this Bob just send the whole thing.

From: Bob Servant
To: Mike Christopher
Subject: Security

Mike,

As I told you I am worried about Internet security. Please give me the respect I deserve.

3

From: Mike Christopher
To: Bob Servant
Subject: RE: Security

This is too stupid but OK. 004413 come on

From: Bob Servant
To: Mike Christopher
Subject: 8

From: Mike Christopher
To: Bob Servant
Subject: Got it

0044138 OK more

From: Bob Servant
To: Mike Christopher
Subject: 2

From: Mike Christopher
To: Bob Servant
Subject: More needed

00441382 more

From: Bob Servant
To: Mike Christopher
Subject: 2

From: Mike Christopher
To: Bob Servant
Subject: send the rest now

004413822 more

From: Bob Servant
To: Mike Christopher
Subject: 2

From: Mike Christopher
To: Bob Servant
Subject: RE: 2

0044138222 more

From: Bob Servant
To: Mike Christopher
Subject: Hang on

Sorry I've lost my thread a bit. I think I've gone a bit heavy on the 2s. Would you mind reading back what I've sent so far?

From: Mike Christopher
To: Bob Servant
Subject: OK here

0044138222 send the rest.

From: Bob Servant
To: Mike Christopher
Subject: Remember the security!

Sorry, can you send it one number at a time? It's safer.

From: Mike Christopher
To: Bob Servant
Subject: RE: Remember the security!

Are you serious?

From: Bob Servant
To: Mike Christopher
Subject: Good Question

What do you think? (be honest)

From: Mike Christopher
To: Bob Servant
Subject: RE: Good Question

FUCK you if this is not true

From: Bob Servant
To: Mike Christopher
Subject: RE: Good Question

4

NO REPLY

This is an extract from Why Me? The Very Important Emails of Bob Servant, Birlinn Publishing, £6.99. To order a copy for £5.59 with free p&p, go to theguardian.com/bookshop or call 0330 333 6846. For more, visit bobservant.com

 

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