I hear Kate Moss is writing her autobiography. Is this wise?

Sara, by email

This question is rhetorical, right? What has happened to the fabulously, gorgeously, cannily silent girl we all once knew and - well, knew anyway? She is wearing Star Trek-esque minidresses, hanging out with Kelly Osbourne and writing her autobiography, that's what. Oi, Moss - noooooo!

Do not get me wrong. I'd like to know the truth of Kate Moss's inner life (particularly during the Johnny Depp era) as much as any other tragic person in the western world. But if her recent interviews puffing Topshop are any indication, this book will not provide any such insight. It will be boring, because she will say precisely nada, which will do nothing for readers and nothing for her.

But wait! Mossy has been, shall we say, taking some mis-steps of late, not least in her new-found fondness for speaking, which makes me wonder - perhaps she is having a Cruise meltdown. Remember how once Tom Cruise was just a smiley, box-office-friendly guy who was definitely straight? And then he suddenly became kinda crazy and would not shut the frig up about Scientology, and this sudden change in public perception coincided with him replacing his longterm publicist with his sister? Perhaps something similar is going on with Moss. Seeing as she has never mentioned a sister, I'm going to suggest perhaps she has hired Sadie Frost. But Sadie, if you got Kate to jump up and down on Oprah's sofa, all would be forgiven.

Why have so many recent fashion magazines taken "the body" as a theme?

Molly, by email

Many possible answers come to mind, Molly. First, perhaps fashion magazines have realised that, hey, you know what? People don't seem to be in the mood to spend £3,500 on a bag, so maybe we should all just get nekkid. Well, it's better than reading those godawful fashion pieces advising people that, yes, they can look good on a budget, as long as they pair that Topshop T-shirt with a $2,100 Marc Jacobs coat (and actually, you should really buy an $80 T-shirt from James Perse - well played, New York Times!).

Or maybe it's to do with ye olde issue from BCC (Before Credit Crunch, ie, the days when we used to smoke £1,000 notes). Yes, we're talking about the Skinny Problem.

Perhaps fashion magazines are trying to show that, honestly, they do love women's bodies, as opposed to just hungry adolescents' bodies, so can everyone stop picking on them, please? This, I suspect, is closer to the truth. And it would be commendable if the magazines didn't shoot their pretty toes off in the process.

I think my favourite part of US Vogue's recent Shape issue was the coverline: "Weight obsession. How one woman conquered her diet demons." This random "woman" turned out to be Monica Seles AKA former tennis champion, but her sporting achievements mean nothing - nothing, I tell you - when the woman might have once been a bit of a chubster. Anyway, it all turned out OK because it transpires that the only reason Monica was once less (more? Less? Who cares?) than thin was because she was depressed after getting stabbed. It's official: fat = almost worse than being stabbed. And as I said, it all turned out OK because the way Monica "conquered her diet demons" was by losing loads of weight and is now a bouncing size 4. Do we need to follow that with a comment? I'm thinking: no.

Next we have UK Vogue, which at least has commendable intentions in a feature flagged up with the similar coverline: "Can you escape the tyranny of the scales?" Here we have a self-described borderline "rexy" who is forced to not diet for a bit. Of course, one applauds Vogue for making someone eat parmesan biscuits (in contrast to US Vogue, which made two designers go on a diet last year). Unfortunately, the writer's conclusion is that a) eating just salmon is preferable b) she had better check into a clinic to lose those 8lb she gained, and c) Lindsay Lohan looks better when she's skinny. Oh well.

We hardly have room to deal with Elle but let's just say that there's a piece about how to lose 5st, a piece about "how to teach yourself willpower" and Sophie Dahl writing about her body, a subject of which we will never tire.

Oh, come on. This is just the body equivalent of telling people they can dress stylishly, as long as they get a £2,000 Rick Owens jacket. It does nothing to help your defence and everyone would be better off if you kept on telling readers they should just eat cake. Not literally, obviously. Ew!