Monkey is finding Waterford Crystal-fetishist Kay Burley's debut novel, First Ladies, hard to put down. The book keeps falling open at certain well-thumbed pages, for some reason. To recap: prime minister Julian Jenson just can't keep it zipped. "He smiled at the memory of her slowly pouring champagne into a Waterford Crystal flute in his bedroom ... she'd mischievously dribbled the contents of the glass onto the most eager parts of his anatomy. Leaning forward she had taken him to the very edge of control before lying back again and allowing herself to succumb to his meticulous attention." Monkey doesn't know whether to laugh or climax.