This British stab at the deathless Dumas novel refuses to heed its own running gag: always run in the face of overwhelming odds. In this case it’s the imminent arrival of a star-bejewelled, two-part French adaptation with Vincent Cassel, Eva Green, Romain Duris and Vicky Krieps. Instead, it puts up a valiant stand – led by pretty plush production and costume design for what is presumably a low-budget affair. But finally it waves its colours in surrender, let down by patchy acting and unimaginative direction.
It at least boasts one first: a black D’Artagnan (Malachi Pullar-Latchman). Whatever your stance on “racelifting”, in this instance it works pretty well: emphasising the would-be musketeer’s outsider but upwardly mobile status as he arrives in Paris, and lines up back-to-back duels with Athos (Ben Freeman), Porthos (David O’Mahony) and Aramis (Jake J Meniani). You know the drill: lusty brawling, fast friendships and a headlong rush to stop the evil De Rochefort (James Oliver Wheatley) and OG femme fatale Milady (British Asian actor Preeya Kalidas) from toppling Louis XIII.
Apart from the pointed casting, this stripped-back version doesn’t really know what it wants to be: is it a gritty, contemporary-flavoured take, or bodice-rippingly camp? It leaves Pullar-Latchman to aimlessly mount a head-on assault on the material, frequently reverting to broad, RP-flogging Historical Acting, rather than anything personal or idiosyncratic. Director Bill Thomas had some practice on last year’s The Adventures of Maid Marian, but his work too often buckles where it should swash. Several musketeer reaction shots are poorly framed where he should be in like Flynn – though things improve once the outdoors chase gets under way.
O’Mahony’s game Porthos comes off strongest, with the larky interludes – including being waylaid by a pair of aristocratic highwaywomen-cum-prostitutes – marking out the most successful gains for this version. Rounding off a half-baked romp, though, James Cosmo is a disappointingly cuddly Cardinal Richelieu – with just one solitary fiendish eyebrow-raise and zero moustache twirls.
• The Three Musketeers is on digital platforms on 13 March.
