Death by Sean Hughes

I want to be cremated

I know how boring funerals can be

I want people to gather

meet new people

have a laugh, a dance, meet a loved one.

I want people to have free drink all night.

I want people to patch together, half truths.

I want people to contradict each other

I want them to say “I didn’t know him but cheers”

I want my parents there,

adding more pain to their life.

I want the Guardian to mis-sprint three lines about me

or to be mentioned on the news

Just before the “parrot who loves Brookside” story.

I want to have my ashes scattered in a bar,

on the floor, mingle with sawdust,

a bar where beautiful trendy people

Will trample over me … again

• Taken from Sean’s Book by Sean Hughes, published by Pavilion in 1993