Dame Nemat Shafik, former deputy governor of the Bank of England, surprised an audience at the Hay festival over the weekend when she said that Dr Seuss books such as The Cat in the Hat and How the Grinch Stole Christmas! are used to train bank staff in the art of clear writing, with the emphasis on “very simple language and very short words”. Previously, she said, the linguistic complexity of bank reports on subjects such as quantitative easing made them accessible to only a fifth of all readers; Seussification is designed to change all that.
It now seems inevitable that other organisations will follow suit:
Statement from British Airways
The plane is not leaving
We’re sorry to say.
And check-in is heaving;
It will be all day!
Your plane to Barbados
Is stuck in Mumbai.
Your bag’s in Honduras.
The crew’s in Dubai.
“We’re sorry! We’re sorry!”
What else can we say?
There’s no need to worry,
It’s just a four-day delay.
The reason was clear,
A technical crash.
There’s nothing to fear,
Not a question of cash.
Ignore those who whine
“Cutbacks caused the disaster”.
Our IT is fine
Based in west Maharashtra.
We’ll soon get you flying
There’s no reason to fret.
Oh please stop your crying.
You could try EasyJet!
The Conservative manifesto
“Brexit means Brexit!”,
On that we agree.
And if Brexit wrecks it,
That’s demo-cra-cee.
The people have spoken,
Their message was plain.
England has woken,
And welcomes the pain.
We don’t want the Spanish,
No reason to fret,
We hope they will vanish,
Giving Brits jobs at Pret.
We don’t want the Poles
(Though it’s not person-al)
And if that leaves holes,
Brits will fill those as well.
The EU is history,
On that we agree.
The future’s a mystery.
But at least we are free.
Apple’s terms and conditions
An app’s an app,
Don’t zap the app.
Respect the app,
And you’ll be ’appy.
M&S annual report
We remain on track
There’s no going back!
And though profits are falling,
It’s far from appalling.
Food sales are steady,
Especially oven-ready,
And curries are hot,
We’re selling a lot.
The problem’s not food,
Where profits are good.
It’s clothing that’s hard.
Sales are bad,
And interest just flickers
In M&S knickers.
But we have a plan,
(Agreed to a man)
And we think it’ll boost ’em –
“Less M&S, more S&M!”
