Monday
The older I get, the more often I seem to find I am on the losing side of every argument. I was on the wrong end of Brexit and I now discover that I am Streatham’s equivalent of the Exxon Valdez oil spill as the not very proud owner of a seven-year-old BMW and a 14-year-old Vauxhall Corsa. Both diesel. When I first got them there were tax breaks on offer for diesel cars as they were seen as the saviours of the planet: now I would be lucky to give them away. Having just confiscated my mother’s nine-year-old Nissan Micra – the road users of Petersfield should thank me for that – I have been trying to offload the Corsa. From what I can work out, it would be worth about £600 if it was in decent condition. Which of course it isn’t. Although it is very reliable, the driver’s side floor is permanently soaked in winter – I’ve no idea why as I’ve never been able to locate a leak – and some passerby has thoughtfully run a key down one side. Bizarrely though, I have just taxed my mother’s petrol car and it’s a great deal more expensive than either of the diesels. Right hand, meet left hand.
Tuesday
The gig economy took another hit after Lord Heseltine was stripped of his five part-time jobs for doing exactly what he had always said he was going to do, by a rather graceless prime minister who is only in the job because she is doing what she promised not to do. More surprising was Heseltine’s subsequent revelation that he had never met Theresa May. The prime minister has been in parliament for nearly 20 years and you’d have though that their paths might have crossed once or twice. If only in the audience at the Tory party conference. But apparently not, though things did become even more confusing when Theresa’s team sent out a subsequent statement confirming that she definitely remembered having met Hezza. The only logical conclusion is that meeting Hezza is rather more memorable than meeting Theresa.
Wednesday
George Smiley is to make a comeback in John Le Carre’s new novel A Legacy of Spies, due out in September some 25 years after he appeared to have gone into a well-earned retirement. I can’t wait. The end of the cold war might have been good for peace in Europe, but it put a real dampener on spy fiction for a long time. The Spy Who Came in from the Cold and Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy weren’t just two of the best spy novels of the 1960s and 70s, they were among the very best novels of the 20th century. Critics often get quite sniffy about plot-driven, genre fiction but Le Carre’s Smiley novels are the equal of any literary fiction. If I had to choose between taking Mrs Dalloway or George Smiley with me on a desert island, Smiley would win hands down every time. Smiley is one of the greatest creations of modern literature; the more you think you know him, the more elusive he becomes.
Thursday
There seems to be one problem with security agencies spying on people through their Samsung TVs: their internet connection. Our Samsung television seems to disconnect itself with annoying frequency while we’re watching BBC iPlayer or Netflix. Most recently one episode of Patriot – starts well, but falls apart badly towards the end of the series – was interrupted three times by the appearance of the spinning circle of death. Imagine if that had happened while my wife and I had been discussing a terror plot to disrupt the state visit of President Trump. Though it’s possible that MI5 have that covered and that the give-away sign that you’re being bugged is your internet connection always works perfectly and your electronic appliances never let you down. If that’s the case, I can’t wait for the spooks to start listening in.
Friday
Another area of my life where I am on the losing side is at White Hart Lane. While I like the idea of Spurs becoming a club that might be in a position to buy a Gareth Bale rather than sell one, I would actually much rather they stayed in their current ground. I like sitting in the same seat I have sat in for donkey’s years and being surrounded by the same people and I’m not sure that I want to go – though I will, of course – to a ground that has an artisan bakery on the premises. This feeling of nostalgia and loss is becoming more intense the closer to the end of the season it gets. On Sunday, Spurs play their last ever FA Cup tie at White Hart Lane against Millwall. Losing to the League One side ought to be unthinkable as Tottenham still prides itself on its fine FA Cup tradition even though we haven’t actually won it for over 25 years. A blink of an eye to someone as old as me. Watch this space.
Digested week, digested: Phil the Undertaker digs his own grave
