Let me explain to you: my uncle is a dog. His name is Uncle Bark. I am going to his house today, it's Friday (sweetie day). I wish I didn't have to go to Uncle Bark's but Mummy wants me to go. So, I have to. Oh no! Bother! BOTHER!

"Having a dog as an Uncle is so embarrassing," I say.

"Humph! Try having him as a brother," says Dad.

But Mum says having a canine relative is A Good Thing because Uncle Bark:

1. Always wants to go to the park.
2. Never asks boring questions about times tables.
3. Doesn't mind mess.

I know all of this but in front of my friends it is so, so, so embarrassing. Uncle Bark is black and white, with patches of spiky pink hair, and he's pretty lively. He lives across town from us, near the big oak tree. He's got his own kennel and a car. Did I tell you about his car? It is made of bone, with a drawing of a doggy tail, mismatched wheels and a see-through kennel roof.

We arrive at the park and oh no, bother! BOTHER! Here comes Carrie Codworth: the meanest girl in school. I can hear her squealing with laughter from behind Uncle Bark's favourite oak tree. I quickly pull out my hair ribbon and tie it round Uncle Bark's neck.

He shouts: "I am not a pet! Now take that off me and we'll have our picnic."
When most people's relatives take them for a picnic, they have sandwiches, cake and maybe even go and buy an ice-cream. Not in my case.

Uncle Bark has packed bones and doggy biscuits. And when he wants a drink, he promptly starts slurping from a muddy puddle. I think it's disgusting, so I go hungry and thirsty. As I rush home, I can hear Carrie crying with laughter.

Next day in the school playground, Carrie is whispering to her friends about me. I feel upset.

Suddenly, through a gap in the railings, Uncle Bark appears like magic. He runs as fast a cheetah and a racing car put together. In his mouth, there's an old, mouldy banana skin. Carrie is laughing so hard that she doesn't see it. She slips, she falls and then she knows what it's like when everyone is laughing at you. Thanks to Uncle Bark, Carrie learns her lesson.

Next week, she becomes my best friend.

Some people might think that having a dog as an uncle is embarrassing. But I don't. Well, not any more. These days, Carrie and I go to the park together. And who do we always go with? My funny and brilliant Uncle Bark.

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