Age: Died in 1969, aged 47.
Appearance: Dead Beat.
Who was he? A leading novelist and poet of the Beat Generation.
Oh right. That explains "Dead Beat". Yep.
Very funny. Thanks.
And why are we talking about him now? His novel On the Road has finally made it to the big screen.
The one about all the road trips? The semi-autobiographical one in which Kerouac – under the pseudonym Sal Paradise – drives across America and later Mexico with his new friend Dean Moriarty – a pseudonym for fellow Beat figure Neal Cassady – on a hedonistic quest for identity, freedom and some form of lasting happiness.
Didn't he write it all in just three weeks on a single long roll of paper? He did, in 1951, or so the story goes, although he then spent six years rejigging it before it was published in 1957.
That's a long wait. Not compared to the wait for the film, which began with a letter from Kerouac to Marlon Brando in 1957 begging the film star to buy up the rights, and is only just coming to an end this week, with the premiere at Cannes on Wednesday.
What's taken so long? Well, for one thing, Brando didn't reply. For another, the novel's free-wheeling narrative has taken decades to condense into a nice, neat film story. For a third, an unknown called Kristen Stewart was cast as Marylou five years ago, and her career has sort of gone a bit stratospheric in the interim.
Ooh, Kristen Stewart's in it? Yep. As well as Amy Adams, Viggo Mortensen, Elizabeth Moss, Kirsten Dunst and Sam Riley.
Well, why didn't you just say that earlier, instead of going on about this Caramac guy? It's Kerouac.
Whatevs. I'm booking tickets to the UK premiere at Somerset House as we speak. Too late. They went on sale on Friday at 10am and people snapped up every one in just five minutes.
Aww! They "beat" me to it! Hilarious. You could always go read the original. The first nine metres of it are on display in Paris for the next three months.
As a rule I don't read books that are measured in metres. Probably wise.
Do say: "You wait 55 years for a film of On the Road..."
Don't say: "... and then they go and cast the girl from Twilight."
